Amazing

This is an amazing video with a great message.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ

Hormones and Fear

From when I was a little girl I knew I had "issues". I was once told a story about how I slapped my best friend when I was really little. From then on I always wanted things MY WAY. I made girls cry, argued with boys but always seems to be the fun loving friend, how I don't know! Of course I thought I just had a temper and it was the way I was brought up as a child (sorry mom, dad and brandon). About a year and a half ago I was elated to find out that my hormones were just out of wack. It made me happy to know that I really didn't have "issues". I know, I know.... some of you would disagree. But in all honesty I am glad to find out that its hormonal related and I am just not batty! Ever since getting pregnant my hormones seem to be doing great. I asked the doctor about this once and she laughed because it seems that pregnancy has leveled out my hormones a bit. I still of course have my moments of worry but thats not really hormonal, I get that from my mother. I have calmed down a little, stopped arguing over little things and all in all I feel great. I have my momets of feeling yucky but I have come to the conclusion it is because of what I eat. So all in all I just need to stay pregnant for ever. HAHA. I have not had any craving as of yet or food aversions, no morning sickness to where I have to stay around the bathroom and I dont even have to go to the bathroom all that often and yes I am carrying TWINS. So I have to say that the first trimester of pregnancy is treating me great. I can not wait to see what the next 6 to 7 months have in store for me.
On the other hand....
I am scared to death. Scared of pregnancy, labor, parenting of twins. I know Brian and I prayed for twins and are so excited adn thankful that our prayers were answered but that doesn't stop the fear. Fear of the unknown. Lets list my fears.
-weight, gaining to little weight, I want these babies to be healthy
-feeling good, I know, weird but I "thought" I should feel bad, I am carrying two babies, why do I feel good and that makes me worry that something might be wrong.
-pre term labor, preemies scare me! i have not held a newborn because I think I might break them. How am I going to deal with preemies
-money, TWINS... two of everything
-doctor appointment, I freak out for a couple of days prior to an appointment because I am worried about bad news
I could go on and on! I know fear is normal, espcially with it being my first pregnancy. I just do not like the unknown, never have. Wish I had all the answers but thats me, miss know it all.

10 1/2 weeks

Alright, here it is. I grew a little more but personally I feel BIG! We three are doing well, learning to take it easy and rest as much as possible. I am physically tired but wide awake, it make it very interesting to rest at night because I feel like I should sleep but can't. I am also learning that I need to eat healthy at night to have energy in the morning to make it through my morning routine before work. The weird thing is... I really don't have an appetite, I guess that is because I am trying to eat every 2 to 2 1/2 hours. Brian is such an awesome sport, he is cooking and cleaning and really asking me not to do much. He offered to even bring me lunch one day. He is making feel a little guilty but I know he is just wanting the best for the babies and once they make thier enterance into the world things will change!!!

Updates

Sorry I have not been around and updated you all but it was Brian's birthday weekend and we were at the lake. It was a great time but I think I over did it alittle and am not feeling to well these days. I am really tired and it take all my energy just to take a shower in the morning. I will update you all with my belly picture this week. Other than that I have been reading Harry Potter and am almost finished, I have about 100 pages left. I know.... it is taking me forever but I blame the babies...

More to come, I promise.

First OB Appointment

Today was my first real pregnancy appointment. Brian and I got to meet with the woman who will deliver our twins. We are so excited. We got to see the twins again, both measuring right on target! I go back in two weeks, August 1st for my next appointment.

Weekly Belly Pic...

9 weeks

I have decided to take pictures of my belly through the growing weeks. So come back each week and see how big I have gotten!

Did I Tell You?

You are not just looking at two cute pictures of one baby, those are two pictures of two different babies!

That's right...

IT'S TWINS!!!!

Surprise

Now do not get mad!!!

May 29, 2007


We had a FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer).

We decided to keep it a secret from everyone, even our family. We did not want to make to much of it in case it didnt work and I did not want to stress out. We were very low key and I did a great job of not saying a thing.....

Fast forward to June 8th, a couple of days before my blood test to see if the transfered worked. I took a home pregnanct test (HPT). BOOM- positive. WHAT? I did not know what to think or feel. I walked out to Brian and said look. We walked inside, sat down and were silent for a few minutes. Then it hit us, I could be pregnant. We wanted to believe it but after everything we went through we just wanted to be safe.

June 9th, took two more HPT and both positive. I was in disbelief, this could not be happening.

June 11th, the dreaded day of getting my blood taken to see if this is real. I went in around 9:00am and did not get a call about until 4:15pm. If you happened to walk in my office that day I probably did not hear a word you said. So if you know anything about numbers, my beta (blood test) was 2,278. Which is POSITIVE and a great number.

Fast forward another week, second beta comes back at 22,260, more than doubled every 48 hours which is what we were looking for.


Suprise.... We are PREGNANT

The Journey

Infertility hurts.
It is something that I wish upon no one and pray that no one has to endure it as I did. At the same time though I am so thankful for what I have been through. Infertility changed my life.... for the better. I know, it strange that something so hard and so hurtful can be so amazing at the same time.
When I learned that I had fertility problems my first thought was get me a doctor and some medicine and this will all be fixed in no time. I will be pregnant in a few months. God had different plans for me! See, I am someone who likes control and likes to be informed and take charge of everything. I don't like uncertainty. So of course I thought that fertility could be fixed just like everything else. I WAS WRONG! I thought I could go through all this alone and it would be easy, I am strong.
The Lord really changed me and got me through the hardest time in my life. The first few months of going through test after test and being told that my cycle was cancelled numerous times, I blamed me then I blamed God. Why was He doing this to me? Why am I being punished, what had I done? I was angry and mad that everything was falling apart. I was scared, hurt and most of all felt very alone. Brian was there of course and helped me along the way. He has been so amazing I can't imagine what I would do without him. I still felt alone, I felt empty, why was my body not working? Many months passed while I felt this way. I still wanted control, I still wanted to be the one to say everything is fixed. I wanted to be the one to bring good news. I was being so selfish.
After April of 07 when our first embryo transfer didn't work I was broken. I didn't have any answers as to why and had to tell everyone I talked to about the transfer that it didn't work. That in itself was one of the hardest things. I felt as if I was letting people down. I finally threw my hands up and gave it to God. I said take it, I am so tired and I can't do it anymore. I prayed for His will to be done no matter what it was. I am trusting in His guidance and no matter what happened I would stay faithful.
Through this struggle Brian and I have become a better couple, we commuincate better, love stronger and have a deeper appreciation for one another. I am so thankful Christ brought him in my life. As for my relationship with the Lord. It has grown leaps and bounds. I have learned much to my suprise to trust, have faith and give Him everything. It is such a struggle for me because I am a control freak and sometimes I convert to my old ways and want to know what is going on NOW but I back down and pray that His will is done! It is not an easy transition but one I am growing to know.
So, I am very thankful for going through infertility and going through this struggle because it has taught me to grow up, brought me closer to my husband and given me the type of relationship with the Lord that I have been yerning for.

A close friend gave me a quote that is in my office that I read daily that reminds me to trust in Him no matter the circumstance.
"All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen"

My run in with modern medicine

At the age of 26 my husband Brian and I started fertility treatment. Some of my friends and most of my family know about it but some of you don't so I have decided to "BLOG" it.
Brian and I decided to try and have a baby in April of 2006. After many months of irregular cycles we decided to find help. We were given a name of a reproductive endocrinologist (RE for short) and decided to move forward with help. Brian and I both were tested for many things, I actually got thirteen vials of blood taken once. Come to find out I have a thyroid problem and poly cystic ovarian syndrome, both which can be treated. It was very hard to swallow that I was the reason Brian and I were having trouble conceiving. In December of 2006, we were told that our only way to conceive was through IVF.


Now back in December when we were going through all this, it was very fast paced and we did not do our homework very well. We trusted the doctor! So we decided to go for it. I went in for the egg retrieval and I am an egg making machine, they collected 40 eggs. The doctor decided not to do the transfer because it looked like I might get ovarian hyper stimulation (OHSS). The funny thing is, is that we were told that there is only a one percent chance of getting OHSS. Well I was that one percent. A couple days after the egg retrieval I started to gain weight, I was very uncomfortable and getting sick. I was told to go get sonogram of my stomach to see if I was retaining fluid. I was and was scheduled for a parasentisis that day. That is where they drain fluid from your stomach. yeah, it was just as gross as it sounds. The catch is i was on vacation, Brian, his family and I were getting ready to go skiing. The RE and the people at the hospital told me I could fly, just to not ski and to take it easy. We got in the air, after i was taken in a wheelchair to the plane, should of caught on then that something was not right. We got in the air and I started to get sick. I got to use an air plane barf bag, firsts for everything right. We got to colorado and i was sick the entire way to the condo. By midnight I told Brian that I needed to go to the hospital. So Brian and I spent our only day in Colorado at the hospital. We were told to get home and see our doctor. By that time we were cursing our doctors name. We made a flight into Houston the next day and my brother and my mom took us to Memorial City Hospital, were I was for 3 days and got another parasentisis. Oh, did I mention my doctor decided to go on a cruise though all this.


We met a new RE, Doctor Robert McWilliams, who we love and he is now our current doctor. We saw him after the stay at the hospital and he said things were looking good, I was loosing the weight I had gained from fluid and just to stay home and rest. Needless to say I got my figure back and life went on. But that is only where the story begins.....

Published

OK OK, so I was told countless times that I need to finally publish my blog. So here it is. I do not have much to talk about right now but I know I will. I mean come on I talk all the time why can't I just write it down.

More to come, I promise, just have patience (hahaha)