The Synnott Twins

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Thursday, July 26, 2007

Hormones and Fear

From when I was a little girl I knew I had "issues". I was once told a story about how I slapped my best friend when I was really little. From then on I always wanted things MY WAY. I made girls cry, argued with boys but always seems to be the fun loving friend, how I don't know! Of course I thought I just had a temper and it was the way I was brought up as a child (sorry mom, dad and brandon). About a year and a half ago I was elated to find out that my hormones were just out of wack. It made me happy to know that I really didn't have "issues". I know, I know.... some of you would disagree. But in all honesty I am glad to find out that its hormonal related and I am just not batty! Ever since getting pregnant my hormones seem to be doing great. I asked the doctor about this once and she laughed because it seems that pregnancy has leveled out my hormones a bit. I still of course have my moments of worry but thats not really hormonal, I get that from my mother. I have calmed down a little, stopped arguing over little things and all in all I feel great. I have my momets of feeling yucky but I have come to the conclusion it is because of what I eat. So all in all I just need to stay pregnant for ever. HAHA. I have not had any craving as of yet or food aversions, no morning sickness to where I have to stay around the bathroom and I dont even have to go to the bathroom all that often and yes I am carrying TWINS. So I have to say that the first trimester of pregnancy is treating me great. I can not wait to see what the next 6 to 7 months have in store for me.
On the other hand....
I am scared to death. Scared of pregnancy, labor, parenting of twins. I know Brian and I prayed for twins and are so excited adn thankful that our prayers were answered but that doesn't stop the fear. Fear of the unknown. Lets list my fears.
-weight, gaining to little weight, I want these babies to be healthy
-feeling good, I know, weird but I "thought" I should feel bad, I am carrying two babies, why do I feel good and that makes me worry that something might be wrong.
-pre term labor, preemies scare me! i have not held a newborn because I think I might break them. How am I going to deal with preemies
-money, TWINS... two of everything
-doctor appointment, I freak out for a couple of days prior to an appointment because I am worried about bad news
I could go on and on! I know fear is normal, espcially with it being my first pregnancy. I just do not like the unknown, never have. Wish I had all the answers but thats me, miss know it all.

5 comments:

Dana said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dana said...

Oh Court! You know I love you and I am praying for you!

courtney said...

your fears are so normal! i think every first-time mom is anxious about getting through the first trimester, being healthy, weight gain, labor & delivery and parenting! just try to stop people from telling you horror stories about labor. at this early in the game, it will definitely freak you out. when you're in that horribly uncomfortable stage, nothing will scare you. you'll just want those babies out! then let them tell you all their stories...

The Sanders House said...

When I was pregnant with Keegan I worried about EVERYTHING! For the first time in my life I knew that for sure I was not in control! It is a good lesson..but know it gets easier as you get to the end for some strange reason. When you leave the hospital...you will feel prepared..I promise..even if you have teenie babies! (They don't break!!)

Jilly~wife&mom said...

Hey Court, I think every first time mom has fears and in our situation I think they are just compounded. You will do fine and you will be a great mom to banana and coconut:) (that was the names right?) I was so scared and read up WAY to much, but everything turned out fine and I know it will for you too.