The Synnott Twins

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Monday, January 14, 2008

Decision...

I have made the very hard decision to stop breast pumping. I have been thinking about it for about a week but have felt very guilty about it because so many mothers pump or breast feed and I am weaning off after 2 weeks 4 days! Texas Women's Hospital are real advocates of breast feeding and I am scared about telling them. I do not want to be told I am a bad mom, especially to preemies and twins or have them say things that make me second guess my decision. My reasoning for stopping is this.... I personally want to enjoy my boys when the come home. We have all been through a lot, after IVF, hospital stays, being sick and the NICU.... I am tired and know that my body can not handle all this and stay sane. I have dealt with depression before and never ever want to go back there. When the twins do come home I do not want to be tied down to a pump. I want to play, watch, feed and ENJOY our boys. I know a lot of moms will disagree with me and I think that breast feeding moms are my heroes because I can see how hard it is but it is just not for me. Just making the decision has made my attitude better and now I want to get up and find a pediatrician, play in the nursery, get dressed, cook dinner and I just want my body to feel normal again. I know my life has changed and I am a mom and nothing will ever be the same BUT I am ready to be a mom and for the boys to be home and start our new life without the hassle of dealing with my breasts.... ;-)
Ok so now I am rambling....

On another note.... thank you for your prayers, they are being answered!!!!
John is up to three bottles and Brandon is up to two. Brian and I think John should be home by next week some time and hopefully Brandon will come home with him or shortly follow!

11 comments:

The Sanders House said...

Courtney,
I just wanted to let you know that you are an incredible mom and whether or not you breastfeed does not make you any better or any less of a mom. Yes, people have their opinions, but please do what your gut is telling you to do. If you have a peace about it, then quit and be confident in your motherly instinct. I just stopped breastfeeding and it was the best decision for Jack and I. People for sure gave me their advice, but I knew that I could not go on...it was way too painful. You will have so many things as a mom that you will feel guilt over, and Satan knows how to steal your joy. The one thing that I think you should do is spend a day in prayer over it and make a decision when you are in a good state of mind. I will be praying for you!
Love, Michelle

The Sanders House said...

My e-mail is michellersanders@gmail.com if you need to chat.

Anonymous said...

Oh Court, I give you kuddos for hanging in this long with everything that is going on! I didn't last much longer than that and I only had one:) I'm not even thinking about what the heck I'm going to do with the triplets. I'm sure I will try, but will not feel guilty for stoping if that is what I decide. Enjoy your boys and know that not giving them breast milk is by no means the end of the world:) I will keep you in my prayers.

Jill

Adam & Andrew said...

Courtney,
You don't owe the hospital or anyone else for that matter an explanation for your decision. You're the mom and you know best! Don't look back, no regrets, just look forward to those little men coming home to you and your hubby. A mama at peace is all that matters and it sounds like you found your peace! Congrats =-).

Anonymous said...

Sweet Courtney - my pediatrician told me as a new mom that I would have lots of people give me advice as to what I should do and not do -so listen, say 'thank you', pray, and then do what is best for you and your baby because YOU are really the only ONE that knows what is BEST for you and your baby! Wow! So do what's best for you and your babies! You are doing so great and I'm so proud of you!

Becky Kiser said...

mother knows best! you do what is right for you and yours boys. don't feel bad!

Jenny B said...

You know a nurse told me one of the many times I was in the hospital that if all you can do is one day of breast milk for your baby that is better than none. You gave you boys 2 1/2 weeks worth of it and helped them through those vitals days! I've also heard that it is hard to keep up your milk supply for more than a few months when you are just pumping, so don't feel guilty! Enjoy your boys! I am so proud of you and enduring all that you have been through for those boys. I agree with Michelle, if you have prayed about it and feel a peace then it doesn't matter. You are the mom and they need to respect that decision. :)

Dana said...

Honey, if you don't take care of Court, Court cannot take care of the boys.

Depression is so hard on everyone in more ways than most people know. So I gotta tell you, don't worry. Get healthy and enjoy them babies!

I love you!

Kelly said...

Whether or not you breast feed is NOT the gauge for whether or not you are a good mother!

The transparency you are showing and your willingness to be honest about your feelings are just a few of the things that make a great mom!

I never breastfed, and I think I am a great mom! LOL

Love you!

Mandy said...

I wasn't breast fed... I am now in my 4th year of university, have no allergies, no serious illnesses, no ill effects.

I know it can do good for the babies but I think it's much better to think about you and your family.

They'll be FINE! Lots and Lots of babies are fed formula and they are always getting it closer to breast milk.

Enjoy being a mom...

Allison said...

I am totally with you--after 3 rounds of IVF, I was tired of my body being a science project and ready to have it back to myself. Having a happy mom is more important than breastmilk and don't let anyone tell you differently!